I got started a little late in the kid department. Many of my friends are grandparents, while I have a 15 and two 12 year olds. Three girls. At my age it can be exhausting. The idea of raising them to be three happy, confident and successful women scares the crap out of me. What I embrace, is that my girls seemingly have no sense of boundaries, as to what they can do, or what they can become, as women. They recognize limits only to the extent of their potential, and not their gender. They don't hear "you can't do that, you're a girl". Bravo!
Growing up in the 60's and 70's, we girls heard that crap all the time. Even from our parents. God, how I hated those words. If I'd been allowed to curse, I'm sure I would have told the nay-sayers to go f*ck themselves. Instead, I chose to do so, in my actions. Perhaps it's the stubborn Irish blood in me. Tell me I can't, and I will.
Being the youngest of seven kids, with 3 brothers and 3 sisters, I'm not sure what made me different from my sisters. Perhaps it was the pecking order. Those closest in age to me were 2 boys. My brother Dennis, 18 months older than me, was my best friend. We played ball together, hiked through the sand hills, built forts, played Batman and Robin, Bonnie and Clyde. I even sewed "manly clothes" for my Ken doll, so he would play Barbies with me. He was a boy, me a girl, but we were the same. Matched book ends. We never fought, unlike the relationships with other siblings. I went to every one of his ball games, and he came to mine. Dennis never told me I couldn't do something because I was a girl. If he had, I probably would have punched him.
I did enjoy doing "girly" things. I did needle crafts and learned to sew at a very young age. I was actually making quite a bit of money (for a kid), with my sewing, by the time I was 10. I also liked to build things. With the limited tools my Dad had on hand, I made doll houses, furniture. I even learned to fix bicycles. By default, I suppose. If I wanted a bike, I had to fix the broken down bike that had belonged to one of my older siblings. I ended up doing repairs for friends and neighborhood kids, earning a quarter or 50 cents for my work. I never quite understood why their parents were surprised that "a girl" could do that. Why not?
After shedding the burden of 10 months on crutches, at age 14, I applied for a job at a local market. I wanted to be a "Box boy" (what we now refer to as a "courtesy clerk"). The store owner told me I couldn't be one, because I was a girl. We made a deal. I'd work for free, for a week. If I could do the job, he'd hire me. According to my school counselor, I was the first girl on record, within the state of California, that had been issued a work permit, for the position of "box boy". The asshole store owner did remind me how generous he was in giving me the job, by paying me 50% less than what the boys made. I did get more work hours than the boys, though. Hmmm... I wonder why? I worked my ass off.
Later in High school, my brother Dennis and I took up an interest in the local Police Explorers organization. We had decided then, that we both wanted to be cops. A lot of people were amused by my ambition. Girls can't be cops... but they do make good dispatchers, and records clerks. I later went to work for the local Police department, under their CETA, officer training program. I worked uniformed patrol, they paid me 20% of what the guys made, and I couldn't carry a gun. Yep. Driving a black and white, wearing a cop uniform, with a badge, responding to calls, even got shot at a couple of times. But, I couldn't have a gun. When prop 13 passed in California, the CETA program was cut. Probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I later joined the Orange County Sheriff's department (as a deputy Sheriff), where I did get a gun, and continued in a law enforcement career, in various capacities, for 23 years.
In 1989, I took, what I thought was a 6 month leave of absence from my Job as a DA's investigator. I came to Port Townsend, WA, to attend the Northwest School of Wooden Boat Building. I'd always loved working with wood, and had accumulated a few shop tools over the past several years. I'd made a few pieces of furniture, with self-taught skills. The Boat school sounded like a great way to learn and broaden my skills. Geeze, if you can build boats, you can build anything, I thought!
I found myself in Port Townsend. Heaven on Earth. There as no way in hell, I could ever go back to Southern California. This was (is) home. I excelled at the boat school, and then went to work for a luxury yacht builder, at the local boat yard. Here I was again... The first woman, among "manly men", building boats. Most of the guys were really cool with me being there. A couple of them were assholes. But, I got to work with incredibly skilled craftsmen, learned skills that I never would have imagined, and built interior furnishings and cabinets for yachts in the $65 to $170 MILLION dollar price range!
Because of the toxic environment, and my bad back, I eventually left the Boat shop, and applied for a job with the local Sheriff's office, as their Crime Prevention Officer. Welcome to Hooterville! As per the qualifications listed in the employment ad, I was apparently the only "qualified" candidate in the running, and eventually the board of county commissioners "made" the sheriff hire me. He told me it was under protest. That he did not want to hire a woman, and certainly not one from California. This stupid hillbilly sheriff had never worked a day of police work in his life (elected). And he was judging me. When I got my first paycheck, it was half what was stated in the employment flyer. He told me he wasn't gonna pay a cunt what he paid his men. I had to file a grievance with the union to get my pay, but after it finally came through, six months later, he told me he was going to have to let me go. Adios, jackass... I'd just accepted a job with the State liquor board.
In the last 24 years, I've learned many more traditionally "man skills". I had my general contractor's license for a while, but mostly did cabinet work, kitchen and bath remodels, built a couple of decks. I taught myself to do plumbing and electrical, lay flooring, refinish flooring, to tile work, every facet of finish carpentry, and much more. I love working with my hands. I've also made a butt load of money making high-end custom furniture. I am limited, now, probably due to age, because of my history of orthopedic injuries and the resulting arthritis. I often push myself beyond the point of pain, to get a project done. But, it's a "good pain". Pain from hard work, somehow seems worth it.
The lesson I carried with me, is this; never let anyone (even your own mind) tell you, that you can't do something, simply by grounds of your gender! And never let anyone tell you that you should do something because of it! Do what you want to, learn something new. Don't limit yourself to traditional "gender roles". This is 2013! Mom's... don't let your daughters settle for for being a "cheerleader". Be the person others cheer for! Get out there, find your potential!
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