So, here it is... my first attempt at a blog. I suppose I have the usual misgivings about this process. What's the point?... does any one really give a shit?... Will I make a fool of myself? Blah, blah, blah. I figure this is a good way to share, rant, whine, praise and generally bullshit. Good therapy.
About me. I'm just shy of my 54th birthday. The youngest of 7 kids, growing up in a suburb of Los Angeles. I have three sisters, three brothers. I've always been closer to my brothers than my sisters, always shared more in common with the boys. I was a Tom-boy jock in high school (lettered in 4 sports) and played for an NCAA Div 1 Championship team in college. I became a cop when I was just 20 years old. Now, here's the BIG surprise.... I am not a lesbian! It always pisses me off when people assume that athletic or strong willed women are carpet munchers. Blech! I'm tall, athletic build, decent looking, and I can pull off a sexy tramp look, if I want to. Usually, I'm offended by that type of behavior and hope that we can move past that. But, I'm not so naive that I don't see the point in using that angle, when necessary.
I'm recently divorced from a 23 year marriage. I have three girls, 15 (my athlete and super student), and I have 12 year old twins with crazy-ass developmental disorders. They drive me to drink, occasionally .
I'm at a loss on how to further describe "me". Somewhere in my childhood, I felt the need to prove myself, in so many ways. An athlete, (so my Dad would notice me), independent (so my Mom wouldn't bitch about me being a burden), Tough, (so my brothers would not beat me up), respectful, (so that I wouldn't be like my oldest sister). Wow... sounds like a shit load of baggage! But, not really. What it did do, was help to make me a strong, self motivated, determined and confident woman. But not so perfect, that I miss a day with out some amount of self-loathing. Thanks to my German-Catholic mother, who still today (at 94 years old) has a way of making me feel guilty for having been born. In spite of that, the Irish side of my Dad's influence is usually able to kick those thoughts in the ass. Now... I need a shot of Jameson!
I retired from Law Enforcement in 2003, after nearly 25 years in the biz. I've spent a lot of energy trying not to loose sight of who was before I got into that testosterone based career. I got into it because I knew I could do the job. Before they made concessions and let the wimps in. Hell, I grew up fighting with my brothers. I was a scraper. I was an athlete, a team player. a righter of wrongs. I went into Police work with a naive outlook. Often, I realize that's a pretty stupid way to think, but it's that which still drives me.
I am my father's daughter. I speak up, when others keep their mouths shut. Not so much for myself, but for those who live in fear of speaking up. It gets me in trouble now and then, but what the hell. I try to be respectful, but only to the point that I (or my friends) are being respected. You throw a ball of crap at me, you should know that I batted over 700 in softball. My Dad taught me how to place a ball exactly where I want it. Literally and figuratively. Pow!
So, what should I blog about? Start with my crazy ass family. The cancer within is my oldest sister, a sociopath. I do owe her this... 11 years older than me. She lived as my example of what not to be. The drama that goes along with large families. The amazing and wonderful friends I have, and those who proved not so much. Fond memories of my childhood friends, playing team sports, and the life lessons learned from that. A wonderful life in The Pacific Northwest, appreciated so much after leaving the bowels of southern California 24 years ago. Lessons for other women on how not to set limits on yourself. I've found that I really can do just about anything I set my mind to. Outside of any strength limitations, we can do anything! How about some great beers! and great recipes to go with them! How to build furniture, remodel your own kitchen, sew anything. I can be Handyman and Suzy homemaker. Any woman can.
Does anyone really give a rat's ass?
I always looked up to you as a writer, Kathy. I remember your sports articles from the Pepper Bough when you were able to get in copy with sports writers like Kevin Rigley and Tom Hudgens crowding out women's sports. Title IX was still fresh. Writing is a muscle, says Stephen King, and the only way to be a better writer is to write. I've found I learned, or more accurately, remembered more about myself when I write. Don't hesitate to also write letters, as well. People keep those forever, not so an email.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Bill. Your words mean more to me than I can express. I used to write quite a lot. As with most of us I suppose, using pen and paper has gone by way of the key board. We get so busy living the lives we've made, we often loose sight of those things that bring us joy, and peace.
ReplyDeleteI give a rat's ass and I think it's a great start :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mich!
DeleteThis is good shit! LOL!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kimbo. I love you!
DeleteWHAT ??? YOU ARE NOT A LESBO ..... What happened to my GAYDAR ? YOU FIT ALL THE TELL-TALE SIGNS ~ ! ! ! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH KATHY .... my dearest and oldest STRAIGHT BUT CRAZY FUN FRIEND ~ ! Your Heart, Your Soul -> Everything about you is raw, The Truth you are sharing here is groundbreaking ! You embrace who your are and that takes REAL COURAGE !
ReplyDeleteAh, thank you, my carpet munching friend! I love you!...um, kind of (LOL). You are my rock!
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