Friends, great and... not so much?

If I sit and think about it,  I have to admit; I am truly blessed with some amazing friends. A handful of which, I have known for 30-50 years! We share a past, as classmates, team mates, co-workers, and neighbors. With few, a bond so strong, we know we can always count on one another in good times and bad. We'd literally kill for one another. Our minds have melded.

Through the years, I have made many other friends. With some, the friendship has waxed and waned. Often the times in our lives were so busy, we lost touch, or the bond just faded. About 15 years ago, I had a friend who just stopped talking to me, and I never understood why. I later found out she and my ex-husband had something going on.  

To some people this may seem odd, but I have never had a fight, or dispute with a friend. Most of my close friends are very strong women; talented athletes, law enforcement officers, business professionals, etc. We've never hesitated to voice opinion, in agreement or not, call each other out on our bullshit, point out a bad hair cut, an ugly shirt, or a fat ass (in good humor). We take it, and give it right back. Of course, we share the good sides, encourage, support, empathize. We always have each others' backs, and if ever a hand is needed, we're there for each other. That is what I have come to know, expect, and contribute to real friendships. No written rules, no words, no strings. We just know it. I love my friends. 

Recently however, it seems I have lost a friend. I'm not even sure why.  Wait...actually, I do. I told her I was disappointed in her (and her husband).  She's not spoken to me sense. I've made several attempts to meet and speak with them, but they're always "busy".  I guess I should have kept my big mouth shut, but I really thought we were "good" friends.

We met about 7-8 years ago, after she bought something from me on ebay.  She lived just 15-20 minutes from my Mom, and my home town. I jokingly told her how sorry I was that she had to live in that "hell-hole". We corresponded, talked on the phone, and eventually she and her husband drove the 1200 miles for a visit.  We got along great, and could talk for hours. over the next few years, she visited me, I visited her, They came and stayed for the holidays. We did stuff together that friends do, and talked several times a week.  She and her husband  eventually decided they wanted to move near me, when he retired. About a year and a half ago, they bought a home, just blocks from me. 

Before they moved (CA to WA),  I set out to ease the transition, by prepping their new home for arrival.  I painted several rooms in the house, installed new light fixtures (I purchased), cleaned up the yard and maintained the lawn, eventually remodeled a bathroom, and made window coverings for the home. I moved some of my furniture in to the house, so they'd have some to use when visiting, before the big move. I flew down to CA on 2 occasions to help them, and drove back with them. I helped unload  furniture and household items from a 26' Rider truck. Just a lot of stuff. I did this, because these were my friends. That's what you do for friends. I was happy to have them so close. Over the next year and a half, we shared some great times.

2013 was a big year for me. My husband had been out of the house since December 2011, and filed for divorce in December 2012.  He provided absolutely no support for me or my three children the entire 12 months of 2012, and by court order only started in March of 2013. The house payments were not being made, and I had to find a place to rent for the 4 of us, and our dogs. I also had a huge (3000 sq ft) house to vacate, and a 1600 sq ft work shop and storage. It took several months, but eventually I found a suitable home for us, and prepared for the massive move. 

I have no family within 1000 miles, and really am not the type of person to ask for help directly, but I did make known, that I had to move, and that it was a huge undertaking. I started moving in Mid August, and still (mid January) am moving 2-4 car loads (my Prius) a week. Finances being tight, I could not afford to hire anyone to help me. I was left to do this myself, with the sometimes assistance of my boy friend, and 3 girls. I could only afford to rent a U-Haul one day, which hardly put a dent in the mass that needed to be moved. 

On three separate occasions, I did ask my now moved in and settled friends, if I could use their Jeep, because it had a trailer hitch, that I could attach my small utility trailer to.  There was always some vague reason why I could not. But, what really began to bother me was their complete failure to help. Not a box packed, a bag filled, a finger lifted in any way. This was an across town move, fill your car up with a load and come back for more. Never once, did they offer to lend a hand. I was baffled. After all, I had done so much. Honestly, more than 100 hours of labor,  several days away from my kids (and paying a sitter),and hundreds of dollars of personal expense, I put out to help my "friends". Not because they asked me to. Because that's just what people do for friends. What the hell? If ever I needed a friend... this was it All of my other close friends live far away, or work full time. They were 1/4 mile away and retired. 

I bit my tongue. Met up for drinks and dinner a few times. After a few beers one evening, I eventually worked up the nerve to tell her I was disappointed in them  both (for their lack of any help).  Silence. A month later, I asked if we could meet up and talk (via text message). They were busy. I've made 5 attempts since... same response.  

So, why do I feel like shit? I should have kept my mouth shut, and just let it pass. But, that's just not who I am. How could I have been so wrong about my friend, and her husband (also very dear to me)?. Apparently I have over invested. When I did the things I did for them, there was never any intent of "payback". Not in my wildest imagination, did I ever expect to divorce, loose my home, and have to move. I'd put so much work in to my home. I loved it. It's been heart breaking to move, difficult for my children, Physically painful, and emotionally draining. This time, when I need my friends who are here, close, available... they've vanished.

I have never experienced anything like this, and I don't know how do deal with it. Should I apologize? Should I pound on their door and make them talk to me? Or should I just walk away, invest no more and write this off to really bad judgment.  I miss my friends.